Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
