Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
