all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
