Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
