I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize