I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i drank out of a bidet.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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