i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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