you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
