Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
