12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
