he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
