Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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