In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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