Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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