??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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