I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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