I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
