Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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