I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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