My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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