Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
MIDGETS
????
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
