somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
