I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
