Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
