that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
