could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The uberlube is also flammable
Randomize
