yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
