Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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