just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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