Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
