dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
