so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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