The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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