I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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