Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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