So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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