I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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