Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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