On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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