I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
