i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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