I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
