so explain again why im purple
no
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
