you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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