stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The air was thick with penises
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
