Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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