Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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