I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
