batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
