I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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