So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
