At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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