I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone came in the potted fern
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
