I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
