Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
