why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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