Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
where are my eyebrows?
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