I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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