my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
