Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
