my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
