hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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