this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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