If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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