Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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