I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
