your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
