someone owes me an orgasm
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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