fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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